http://stpauls-anglican.org/2008/04/27/envy-and-restlessness/ From the Pastor's Study... Mon, 21 May 2012 03:18:42 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.1 http://stpauls-anglican.org/2008/04/27/envy-and-restlessness/#comment-8 rchovey Thu, 01 May 2008 05:57:56 +0000 http://stpauls-anglican.org/2008/04/27/envy-and-restlessness/#comment-8 I feel this restlessness and dis-ease of which you speak. I live with it. I no longer long for material "stuff", but for important "stuff", inner "stuff", spiritual "stuff", life-changing "stuff", intangible "stuff". I learned long ago that material stuff can be replaced, having lived through loss of everything I "owned" a couple of times. Once in a house fire on my 21st birthday. I had 4 babies ages 4yrs and younger. There was nothing left. Not even shoes for their feet. I got past that. Then again in the mid 80's, when I left everything I owned in a storage unit in Florida and went back to WV in an effort to keep my family together. Never got the money to go get my "stuff". Believe me, there's stuff everywhere you go. Maybe not good stuff, maybe not the stuff you want, but you can find stuff and get by. I ache for my children. I wish I had done things differently but I had no idea how to parent! Now that I think I have it figured out, it's too late. How do you forgive yourself when the results of your actions are ever before you? I want them to be happy, healthy, and in love with Christ. It grieves me continuously that my children are not the adults I had hoped they would be. And I will admit that I feel a twinge of jealousy when I hear others brag about the accomplishments of their adult children. Then I feel the guilt because I wasn't the parent those children deserved. Is there any hope of true rest in this world? I think not. If we found true rest in this world would it not mean we were content in this world? And since we are not of this world we can never be content in it. I feel this restlessness and dis-ease of which you speak. I live with it. I no longer long for material “stuff”, but for important “stuff”, inner “stuff”, spiritual “stuff”, life-changing “stuff”, intangible “stuff”. I learned long ago that material stuff can be replaced, having lived through loss of everything I “owned” a couple of times. Once in a house fire on my 21st birthday. I had 4 babies ages 4yrs and younger. There was nothing left. Not even shoes for their feet. I got past that. Then again in the mid 80’s, when I left everything I owned in a storage unit in Florida and went back to WV in an effort to keep my family together. Never got the money to go get my “stuff”. Believe me, there’s stuff everywhere you go. Maybe not good stuff, maybe not the stuff you want, but you can find stuff and get by. I ache for my children. I wish I had done things differently but I had no idea how to parent! Now that I think I have it figured out, it’s too late. How do you forgive yourself when the results of your actions are ever before you? I want them to be happy, healthy, and in love with Christ. It grieves me continuously that my children are not the adults I had hoped they would be. And I will admit that I feel a twinge of jealousy when I hear others brag about the accomplishments of their adult children. Then I feel the guilt because I wasn’t the parent those children deserved. Is there any hope of true rest in this world? I think not. If we found true rest in this world would it not mean we were content in this world? And since we are not of this world we can never be content in it.

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